Is my first chapter okay?

"OUCH!"

Robin hissed as her head hit the top of the engine, half of her body wedged between nuts and bolts and the other half sticking out, one of her long legs flailing around like crazy. Repositioning herself so that that her arms were in front of her, she pushed herself out, grumbling and cussing all the way. Wiping her greasy hands on a rag tucked into the waistband of her denim dungarees, Robin walked over to the intercom system and pulled down the lever so that it was positioned over "BRIDGE". After waiting a few seconds, Robin could hear the sounds of people panicking on the other line. She recognized one voice that sounded closer than all the others, and instantly called out to the owner of the voice.



"Aiden!" Robin yelled, trying to be heard over the sounds of girls shrieking in the background. "What's going on?" The entire room rocked with another crash and Robin held on desperately to a pipe that gutted out from the wall.

"We're being attacked by an Alliance ship," Aiden shouted back after screaming at the other people on the bridge to shut their freakin' mouths.

"Do we know which one?" Robin replied, already cleaning up her mess from working on the engine and double checking that she hadn't left any pipes loose or any connecters, you know, unconnected.

"Looks like the Raven." Robin cussed under her breath and tossed her tool box into a cabinet.



"I'll be right up, Aiden." Robin said before turning off the intercom and shooting down the hall, her long mahogany-coloured hair trailing behind her. Making a quick stop by her room to change from her work clothes into something more appropriate, Robin ran to the bridge, tying her hair up into a wild ponytail behind her goggles. Upon reaching the top of the stairs to the bridge, Robin groaned at the sight before her. Caprice and Rosali, Aiden's twin assistants, were running around the bridge screaming about how they were all going to die. A tall Asian girl sat at the control panel, trying desperately to reach the closest port and warn them of the incoming ships. And Aiden, their own personal black market dealer, sat at the helm, trying desperately to keep the airship under control.

"It's about time!" he hissed, glaring at Robin over his shoulder. "I can't fly this thing very well, and whoever is piloting the Raven is good!"

"Well we'll just have to be better," Robin said, her lips pressed together in a grim line as she all but kicked Aiden out of her chair. Taking the wheel, Robin immediately switched on the Gyrostabilizers and banked hard to the left. She could see the large Alliance ship on their tail. It was an enormous airship, with a bulbous black body and long narrow bridge poking out of the front. The gyrostabilizers kept the ship from rocking uncontrollably, instead keeping it upright as the ship twisted and turned around them, but Robin felt uncomfortable flying like this. She flew better when she moved with her baby, one with the airship.



"Caprice! Rosalie! Stop shrieking like two scared little mice and go secure everything down! I want to have these stabilizers off in five minutes, capeesh?" Both sisters snapped to attention and took off down the stairs to secure any loose items. "Megumi, get through to the port if you can, but I want your main focus to be on hacking Raven's system and knocking them offline."

"Hai!" Megumi said determinedly. As she turned back to the screens before her, the intercom system to Robin's right cackled to life.

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON UP THERE! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!" Robin winced as the loud voice blared through the system, making her ears ring and her eyes roll.

"We can't have you asleep right now Ed!" Robin yelled back, grey eyes flashing dangerously. "I want you on the upper hull gun now!" Robin could practically hear the gears in Ed's brain shudder to life.

"Can I bring my goo pellets?!" he yelled, not even trying to disguise the obvious excitement in his voice. Robin sighed and rolled her eyes up to the heavens as she banked again, this time to the right.

"I don't care, just get up there and shoot some goddamn ships already!" Laughing maniacally, Ed turned off his intercom system again.

Turning to Aiden, Robin's eyes narrowed.

"Where's the captain?" she hissed. Aiden shrugged and Robin cussed loudly. Grabbing the handle on the intercom system, she set in on "CAPTAIN" and instantly went red from anger when she heard loud snores echoing from the room. Just then, the two sisters came back up the stairs, out of breath but triumphant.



"Everything's locked down, Robin." Caprice said with a thumbs up. Robin smirked evilly (everyone instaIs my first chapter okay?
I wouldn't put cussing, it just seems childish. I mean, I haven't said cussing in years, and I've only been on this earth for 15.



Put cursing or swearing. Me being the grammar Nazi I am, I stopped there =/Is my first chapter okay?
I like it. Can you answer my question?



http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap6clazT4XKVSu3DQ1MZnNTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110505113935AAeQxpiIs my first chapter okay?
lol I liked it. It got cut off at the end though :( I can definitely see myself reading something like this. Maybe just add in a little more descriptive imagery? Otherwise, I think it's great :D





Help me?



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