What do you think of this first chapter of a novel I am writing?

The book is about a 'shapeshifter' and aimed at the teenage market. I'm pretty sure I know what I need to improve on but I'd like your opinion. I know it's long but I'd be forever grateful for the critique.



Chapter One

The Stranger





I awoke with a start, the shrill beeping of the alarm clock on the bedside table ringing in my ears. It was a horrible sound to wake up to and every morning I reminded myself to change it to the radio alarm but every night when I set the alarm before I fell into bed I forgot to do it. The cold air seeped in as I reached out of the covers and turned off the annoying noise before slumping back down onto my pillow with a groan. It was half past seven in the morning and a Monday, which meant I had lessons this morning for which I felt unprepared for. This was a regular occurrence. I closed my eyes, willing sleep to take hold again, I wanted so much to go drift back into unconsciousness, the covers were warm and inviting and I was seriously considering the possibility when I heard a shuffling noise downstairs. My mum couldn’t possibly be out of bed yet so it must be the cat, Churchill, and he must be hungry. I grudgingly peeled the duvet away from my body and threw on my dressing gown. Shivering as the cold air encased me.

“Morning Church.” I greeted the fluffy tabby cat at the bottom of the stairs. He was purring like mad and winding himself around my legs. I almost fell over him on the way to the kitchen to fill his bowl with biscuits. I regained my balance in the doorway and sighed, the kitchen was a mess. There were dirty plates and stained cups piled in the sink, three teabags sat in a brown puddle on the side by the kettle and the bin was overflowing onto the grey checked lino. I had got home late last night after finishing a shift at the local shop and hadn’t bothered to survey the damage mum had left before heading to bed. I’d have to clean it before I went to college I thought; otherwise the mess tonight might be unmanageable. I quickly made myself a cup of tea and hurried upstairs to shower. I threw on some jeans, a black jumper and boots and glanced at my reflection in the mirror before heading back downstairs. There was no time for make-up this morning but I wasn’t bothered, pulling a brush through my tangled hair had been effort enough. It only took ten minutes to clean the kitchen up and the living room wasn’t in such a bad state, just a few more empty cups, a filled ashtray and a sofa that looked like someone invisible was still sunken into it. I made mum a coffee and carefully carried it back up the stairs. Her room was in total darkness due to the blackout blind she had bought two months ago so she could sleep whatever time of day it was. I could see the shape of her under the covers and hear her breathing softly.

“Mum?” I gently patted her back and she moved slightly but there was no other response.

“There’s a coffee on the side for you.” I set the coffee down and headed back out of the room wondering if today was going to be one of those days where she just didn’t get out of bed let alone out of the house. The cold wind whipped my cheek and brought me back from my thoughts as I stepped outside and glanced at my car sitting on the drive. It looked sad and redundant, which of course it was. It had stopped working a month ago one morning the engine just refused to turn over and I’d been saving my wages since then to get it fixed. I was starting to get impatient now, especially as winter was here and I had to walk to college. I couldn’t complain though, it was a really old car, a dark red and somewhat rusty Ford Fiesta, something like fifteen years old but I loved it. Almost a year ago, when I turned seventeen and passed my driving test, my Mum had given me some money to buy a car with out of the amount Dad had left her. It only cost three hundred pounds and up until now had worked perfectly, starting every time without fail. I made a mental note to do something about it this week as I hurried on, zipping my coat all the way to the top and burying my chin into the lined collar. Everything looked exactly the same as it always did on my way to college. I walked past the store I worked at in the evenings and waved at my boss, Hasbi through the window. He grinned and pointed to a large stack of boxes outside the door that I would obviously be unloading later. I smiled back at him and rolled my eyes for effect, at least I would be busy and the shift would go quickly. The pavement was wet, it must have been raining earlier that morning and the sky was grey and overcast, typical for the time of year. The park was quiet and tranquil apart from two schoolchildren arguing over the division of a pile of sweets they must have just bought from Hasbi’s shop. Every day was the same really, nothing ever happened. I went to college, I came home, I went to work and I came home again. Weekends didn’t stand out much either, I spent most of my time trying to study but I alwayWhat do you think of this first chapter of a novel I am writing?
I think you made a mistake by choosing first person for a novel, I think third person narrative/omni would have been a more appropriate choice. Also, it is fine to put in actions in your opening, but you don't really tell us anything about the actual character we're meeting, basically this person is faceless and the actual actions are boring. Perhaps more details and less procedure. If this were the first chapter I wouldn't even have made it through, and I would not have read the rest of the book, it's just too boring. How many times did you use the word I?
a first person novel s not fr you, you start listing events and it just isnt right. Try writing in third person and not listing events.What do you think of this first chapter of a novel I am writing?
it is great but don't use first person use 3rd person
I really like it. it feels so real which is good for story of this nature. you already feel for the character in this short time. it's a bit sad without trying too hard. and i'm wondering about that mother.What do you think of this first chapter of a novel I am writing?
Its really good!!

I would buy it!!

First chapters in a book are supposed to introduce the characters and maybe add something that would turnit into a storyline - and i feel you have done this really well. The reader is left wondering why the mum is so lazy or has she got some kind of medical condition/disease?



Although my only criticism is the title of the chapter "The Stranger" it doesn't sum up the chapter - who is the stranger? There is no mention of anybody but the boy, Hasbi and the mum - and you can't call them strangers



But otherwise i love it - and hope you do well with the rest of the book
i like it, your tone is good and creates an imagination of waht's being happening in ,best of luck
I thought it was really good I am very interested and when you get more you should let me know cause I really like it.

I am not sure if it was cut off at the end or what cause I wasn't sure if this was the end of the chapter. But it was really good I loved it and hope you finish the book someday.