Would you read more of this?

And so I found myself standing in front of the door to my English classroom, armed with a pencil case of new stationary and feeling utterly stupid in a lumpy grey uniform. I swore under my breath. I hated this- being the New Girl. I’d never lasted in one place quite long enough to shake that label.

I dawdled outside, debating the pros and cons of doing a runner until some people passed by me into the classroom and I knew it would look stupid to delay any longer. I put my hand out to stop the door before it shut and I entered the classroom.

This is a defining moment for a New Girl at a new school, by the way: the moment where the other students glance at you for the first time and make their own silent judgements right there and then. Take it from someone with experience.

The rest of the class were seated already, the desks set out in neat rows. The teacher was sitting casually on his desk. I guessed he was about mid-thirties, though he was balding a little already. I wondered idly if there were parallels between his hair-loss and his job. He smiled pleasantly at me and marked something in his ringbinder. “Flora Connolly?”

I nodded. “Sorry I’m late, I had to talk to the principal and then…well, I got lost…” Someone giggled down the back. I ignored them, bracing myself for that awkward thing teachers do when you start a new school, where they ask you for a sort of synopsis of your life.

“Okay, there’s a seat there by the window if you want to sit down.”

I blinked and smiled, relieved. “Okay, thanks.”

I glanced around at the curious faces of my classmates as I made my way down to my desk. The girl at the desk next to me caught my eye and smiled as I sat down. It was Selene- it was startling how little she’d changed in eight years. She had the same ivory skin, the same jet black hair. She glanced back down and I saw she was reading Elle beneath the desk.

“I don’t feel like teaching today,” the teacher announced. I glanced down at my timetable to check his name. Mr Carey. “Let’s take this class to lament the passing of summer. Did anyone go anywhere nice? Selene?”

“Cuba.” She glanced up and then went back to her magazine.

“I was in the bog,” a boy piped up.

“The…bog?”

“Turning turf.”

“We don’t all go to Cuba,” a copper-haired girl said in a cruel, carrying whisper. A faint blush crept along Selene’s cheeks but she said nothing. Mr Carey either didn’t notice the tension between the two girls or he tactfully ignored it.



(this is a section that I think is particularly weak and I hope you can help me imrove it. The target market is probably 12-18)Would you read more of this?
There are some spelling and grammar issues; New Girl should not be capitalized. It sounds pretty straighforward so far, but I'm sure you would spruce it up to be more interesting if you continued it. The paragraphs should be split so it looks nicer to read. All in all, it's okay, just needs a little more work.

Oh and for future reference, find a friend to help you edit your works or someone near you. You really don't want to spread your writings over the internet until they're finished. People here aren't trustworthy, and some might plagiarize whatever you post on here. Be careful if it means something to you. :)
That was excellent and very realistic. It was amazing and well written. It needs no improvement. It deserves an A+.Would you read more of this?
Maybe the target audience needs to be 12-15. By 18 it'll feel cliched.
nothing needs to be changedWould you read more of this?
I like it, I would definitely read more. A
If you consider this a weak spot then I don't see the problem. I guess the only thing I would suggest is adding more detail in some parts. I loved how you described Selene.